Cheslie Kryst’s terrible farewell message to her mother before leaping to her death from her New York City apartment has been made public.
‘First, I’m sorry, by the time you get this, I won’t be alive anymore,’ the 30-year-old beauty queen texted her mother April Simpkins moments before jumping from her Manhattan high-rise earlier this year. And writing this makes me even sadder since I know it will be the most painful for you.’
Simpkins admitted on Red Table Talk that seeing the post nearly knocked her out.
She told host Jada Pinkett-Smith, her daughter Willow Smith, and Pinkett-mother Smith’s Adrienne Banfield-Norris, “By the time I had received the text, an hour had passed.”
Kryst texted her mother while she was in the middle of a fitness class.
I recall yelling “what, what” at my husband when we arrived home and were trying to figure out what to do. I couldn’t read the remainder of her message because I couldn’t bear it.’
She went on to say that she took the text seriously right away because it was her daughter’s second attempt at suicide. Her mother revealed that she had tried suicide in her early twenties.
‘I love you mum, and you are my best friend, and the person I’ve lived for for years,’ the lengthy statement continued. I wish I could say anything with you, but I can no longer endure the crushing weight of grief, hopelessness, and loneliness.
‘I’ve never informed you about these feelings because I didn’t want you to be concerned, and I assumed they would go away soon, but I know they won’t. They accompany me through every success, family gathering, friendly supper – I cry virtually every day now, as if I’m in mourning.For years, I wished for death. And I know you’d like to know and help, but I’ve been reluctant to share my burden with anyone.
Regardless, thank you for being there for me in some of my lonely moments when I didn’t even tell you I needed you. Because you answer every phone call and are there for me at the drop of a hat, you have kept me alive and ready to face another day. You constantly make me feel as if you love me by listening to me and caring about what’s going on in my life.
‘I adore you more than anyone I’ve ever met. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong; you did everything perfectly.’ I don’t feel like I have a purpose in life anymore. I’m not sure I ever really did.’
‘I don’t feel like I have a purpose in life anymore.’ I’m not sure I ever really did.’
Simpkins refused to reveal the ultimate wishes of her daughter. The message’s most personal parts were likewise overlooked by the beauty queen’s mother.
Her mother admitted that she was aware that her daughter was depressed, but that she ‘didn’t realize the seriousness of it.’ She also stated that she began to see that her daughter’s’smiles were a little forced,’ and that she encouraged Kryst to call for assistance when she needed it.
Kryst, a vocal proponent of mental health and therapy, had sought counseling and began focusing on getting enough sleep, according to Simpkins on Red Table Talk, but she frequently ‘deflected’ her own emotions.
‘Depression isn’t necessarily manifested by someone lying in bed or being unable to function,’ she explained on the show. ‘There are high-functioning folks who can get through the day because they put on ‘the face,’ which we’re all taught to put on.’ Cheslie had that expression.’
Her daughter’s death was confirmed by the NYPD before her and her husband’s flight from South Carolina to NYC was taxiing on the runway.
‘I have no recollection of the plane travel. ‘I recall my husband crying,’ she recalled. ‘We arrived in New York, checked into our hotel room, and were both sleeping on the floor.’
‘I just remember bawling on the side of the road because I couldn’t move.’ ‘I couldn’t recall anything,’ she admitted. ‘I just sank into my son’s arms as I came through the door [of Kryst’s apartment].’ I couldn’t recall how to take a breath. It was quite difficult.’
She claimed she hadn’t seen her daughter, whom she referred to as her’best friend,’ since they visited Universal Studios a month previously – a trip the family took every other year.
Kryst also granted her mother permission to publish the suicide letter with the world so that everyone could see what a wonderful mother she was. She also admitted that she didn’t believe she could ‘escape’ loneliness by repairing her friendships.
‘I’ve alienated most of my pals, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t mend any of it,’ she wrote. ‘So, I’m leaving to join God in heaven, where I hope to find peace.’ I don’t want to leave, yet I feel compelled to do so if I am to find relief from my never-ending loneliness. I’ve been fighting depression for a long time, but this time it’s won.
‘There aren’t enough words in the world to express how much I like and admire you. You are the ideal mother, and I shall adore you till the day I die.
Please feel free to distribute this message. People should know that you are the best mother on the planet, and that you were the best mother I could have ever wished for.’
She also stated her daughter knew she’d ‘need those words’ to move forward and that talking about her daughter was ‘therapeutic.’
Sarah Rose Summers, a previous Miss USA winner, crowned Kryst Miss USA in 2019.